The Write Life

Seducing hearts, one story at a time, Author - Crystal R. Martin

Here is my funny for the day, oh and what an evening it was. My children have been bugging me to make nachos for dinner. I promised weeks ago and so far it hadn't happened. After school, I decided nachos would work, because it sounded really yummy. I stopped at Fred Meyers to buy what we needed. That is where my adventure began. I had heard that Velveeta was nacho worthy, as in it melted well, and tasted decent. I caved to convenience. This was the first of my mistakes.

I was carrying one of those little baskets. I stuffed it with chips, velveeta, sour cream, olives, and refried beans. Yes all of the goodies for our nachos. I finally made my way up to the checkout and set down my basket. When I reached the cashier, she reached into the basket to the bottom to pull something out. Now mind you, I was standing where you sign your checks or use their debit machine. When she popped out the bottom item, one of the cans of refried beans jumped out, rolled under the ledge and dropped right onto my foot, edge down. I kid you not it landed right where your big toe joins your foot.

The lady behind me asked if my foot was okay, and I squeaked with pain. "It's only a toe." The cashier looked at me funny and asked if it really landed on my foot. "Yes it really did on my joint thingy." By that point I was almost in tears and breathing slow to deal with the pain. She apologized and I hobbled out to my van.

About an hour later, after icing the bruising, swelling foot, I decided it was time to cook. This is where the velveeta came into play. I opened the velveeta and read the directions. It said microwave 5-7 minutes, stopping to stir every three minutes. I proceeded to open the inner wrap and began cutting and tearing the velveeta into small cubes. First let me tell you that stuff felt horrible. It was a combination of slime and mush.

I cut and tore up half the brick, before putting it into the bowl to microwave. Three minutes in, I then opened the microwave and stirred the congealed bubbling stuff. I waited three minutes and repeated the process and the congeal was worse, the bubble was worse, and it stunk! Finally, fed up I pulled it out of the microwave and said to heck with it. I asked the oldest son to scrape it in the garbage while I washed the yuck off my hands. When I began the oily gunk got all over my hands.

I grabbed my coat and keys and headed for Walmart to find real cheese. I noticed as I walked in that my hands were itching, and when I looked down I happened to notice that my hands had hives.

To sum it all up, Velveeta really sucks and to top it off I am allergic to the junk. There is now a Velveeta ban forever in my home. I can laugh now but earlier, I really wasn't really very happy.

3 comments:

O' for Pete's Sake! :-O What a night, my friend. (You're right about the stinky cheese, too!)

How awful. Did you finally get the Nacho's done? How is your toe now? Your hands?

That's always when you think "Tomorrow has to be a better day"..

Yes I cheated and bought jars of Tostido Nacho cheese. The nachos were better than I expected. Luckily a little aloe vera helped with the hives. I made the kids throw the Velveeta out. My foot is still tender and bruised, but nothing is broke.

Yes Saturday was a much better day. *smiling* :D

Friday, March 5, 2010

Adventures in Cheese - No really, Velveeta....

Here is my funny for the day, oh and what an evening it was. My children have been bugging me to make nachos for dinner. I promised weeks ago and so far it hadn't happened. After school, I decided nachos would work, because it sounded really yummy. I stopped at Fred Meyers to buy what we needed. That is where my adventure began. I had heard that Velveeta was nacho worthy, as in it melted well, and tasted decent. I caved to convenience. This was the first of my mistakes.

I was carrying one of those little baskets. I stuffed it with chips, velveeta, sour cream, olives, and refried beans. Yes all of the goodies for our nachos. I finally made my way up to the checkout and set down my basket. When I reached the cashier, she reached into the basket to the bottom to pull something out. Now mind you, I was standing where you sign your checks or use their debit machine. When she popped out the bottom item, one of the cans of refried beans jumped out, rolled under the ledge and dropped right onto my foot, edge down. I kid you not it landed right where your big toe joins your foot.

The lady behind me asked if my foot was okay, and I squeaked with pain. "It's only a toe." The cashier looked at me funny and asked if it really landed on my foot. "Yes it really did on my joint thingy." By that point I was almost in tears and breathing slow to deal with the pain. She apologized and I hobbled out to my van.

About an hour later, after icing the bruising, swelling foot, I decided it was time to cook. This is where the velveeta came into play. I opened the velveeta and read the directions. It said microwave 5-7 minutes, stopping to stir every three minutes. I proceeded to open the inner wrap and began cutting and tearing the velveeta into small cubes. First let me tell you that stuff felt horrible. It was a combination of slime and mush.

I cut and tore up half the brick, before putting it into the bowl to microwave. Three minutes in, I then opened the microwave and stirred the congealed bubbling stuff. I waited three minutes and repeated the process and the congeal was worse, the bubble was worse, and it stunk! Finally, fed up I pulled it out of the microwave and said to heck with it. I asked the oldest son to scrape it in the garbage while I washed the yuck off my hands. When I began the oily gunk got all over my hands.

I grabbed my coat and keys and headed for Walmart to find real cheese. I noticed as I walked in that my hands were itching, and when I looked down I happened to notice that my hands had hives.

To sum it all up, Velveeta really sucks and to top it off I am allergic to the junk. There is now a Velveeta ban forever in my home. I can laugh now but earlier, I really wasn't really very happy.

3 comments:

Morgaine said...

O' for Pete's Sake! :-O What a night, my friend. (You're right about the stinky cheese, too!)

Carol said...

How awful. Did you finally get the Nacho's done? How is your toe now? Your hands?

That's always when you think "Tomorrow has to be a better day"..

Crystal R. Martin said...

Yes I cheated and bought jars of Tostido Nacho cheese. The nachos were better than I expected. Luckily a little aloe vera helped with the hives. I made the kids throw the Velveeta out. My foot is still tender and bruised, but nothing is broke.

Yes Saturday was a much better day. *smiling* :D

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I am a writer, lover, parent, friend...I don't know I find this awkward.

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