The Write Life

Hi Darlings,

                I want to take a moment and open up. Vulnerability can be very intense. Last night at work, something happened that I want to talk about. But first some backstory, for context. I lost my mom almost fourteen years ago, now. At that time, I was fresh from an almost seventeen-year marriage, and a single-parent. My mother suffered from C.O.P.D.. She didn’t have the oxygen she once did to do things. I would drive her around, and she would use one of those store cruisers. Until she couldn’t anymore then I would do her shopping and running for her. We had so much fun.

                Back to the present. I was working last night when a lady and her mother passed me. I asked if I could help them find anything, and the vibe was just the same as my mom and I. It landed so hard, I actually said, “Can I tell you something before you go?” She said, “Sure.”

 Now here’s the thing, let me be so real right now, this was way outside of my comfort zone. I don’t usually say the thing out loud, but something had come over me. I said, “Enjoy every moment!” She said, “Can I give you a hug?” I agreed, and she hugged me. I continued, “I lost my mom several years ago now, and I would sell my soul to go back and have one more day to do this.” I actually started tearing up. She said, “Can I give you another hug?” I said, “Yes.” She hugged me again, and began to explain that she had just moved in with both her parents to care for them. I then told them to have a great evening, and they went on their way.

The whole point of this story, is to just to share how much this interaction warmed my heart. I had to step off the floor and go to the stockroom for a moment, to wipe tears from my eyes. It did my heart so much good. Just saying the thing.

I always fear saying the thing because being vulnerable can easily wound you.  Anyway, I just wanted you all to know how much it warmed my heart.  We live in some crazy times right now, and warming your heart, or finding hope however you can, is vital! I love you all.

      I wrote strangely fascinating new words, never to be included. I wrote a character’s backstory to bring their behavior to life. Then randomly last week, I lost my niece. I ran into her recently. I am so glad I got the chance for that last hug.

      People don’t understand how fragile life is. My niece was here the day before, and then gone the next. I haven’t yet grieved the loss. I found out she was in the hospital while at work, and fifteen minutes later she was gone. I had to work the next three days. Everyone said compartmentalize it, and go to work.

      I did, but as a neurospicy individual, I think it may have been bad advice. (I think family medical leave should be changed to allow for all family members, even just for one day. Give us a little time at least.)  I boxed it up and now I am unable to unbox it, for fear of how bad it’s going to hurt. This is MY reality.

      There is a lot of animosity among the family, and I may be the only one to attend the Celebration of Life, I don’t even know if I’m welcome, but I loved her too. Life is short. we aren’t ever guaranteed goodbyes. I haven’t had the chance yet to say goodbye to anyone that has gone before me.

      Maybe its death taunting me, or something more, I am unsure. Hug those you love, and tell them you love them, set aside the petty stuff. (Before you come at me, I don’t mean accept toxic behavior. There is no excuse.) You just never know when you won’t have the opportunity ever again. I’ll be back soon with writing-focused content rather than tearful words.