I have so much I want to open up and say, and at the same time, I don’t have the words. Today was my mother’s birthday. She passed away in 2011. There hasn’t been a day that I haven’t missed her.
There is so much I did not catch growing up. I can share the best example. All my life my mother said, “get on the stick.” It meant hurry up. Now to my little mind, the only reference I had was a yard stick. Up until my thirties, I spent life wondering how balancing on a yard stick translated to hurrying. [Insert Laughing Emoji]
Someone finally said “get on the stick er shift into gear, you know speed up”. I didn’t have the driving context until that moment. The light came on. I called her laughing so hard, I was crying. I then explained that I never understood what she meant.
It’s moments like this that make my heart clench, even more. I made mistakes that I can now understand. To be honest, I hurt her a few times, because I did not realize she was joking. I’ve made peace with those mistakes, because I think she knew, that I did not understand. She always knew how to get me going again.
I didn’t get to know my grand-mѐre very well, but I know we come from strong women. My mom proved that time and time again. She made mistakes too, she was only human, but she was pretty good. All this to say, it’s been a sad day.
As I grow older, I miss her more, not less. She is never far from my thoughts. It gets less painful, but never stops hurting. I hope that makes sense. Ask all the questions, love your mother, say all the things. Once they’re gone there is hole in your heart that nothing else can fill. Well…I didn’t expect this when I started writing.
Love you all. I’ll be back soon.
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